Monday, August 28, 2017

That Moment I Relinquished Control



I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
    out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
    and put their trust in the Lord.
Psalm 40:1-3

I wrestle a lot with how much about myself and my struggles I share on this blog.  Not out of shame or embarrassment (well, maybe sometimes...), but mostly because I don't want it to appear that this blog is about ME, ME, ME.  My intent has always been and always will be to do my best to testify about God's faithfulness, Grace and Mercy in order to bring Him ALL the Glory.   Sharing personal struggles showcases His strength when I am weak; His Mercy when I have failed yet again; and His Grace when I feel undeserving.

Today, I will be sharing about the first time I totallly relinquished control to the Lord and trusted Him with the outcome.

A few months ago, in my blog post, Thy Will Be Done, I shared about how I struggle to pray in my own life, "Thy Will Be Done" for fear of what God's will is for me.  Even though, in that blog post, I worked through those struggles and shared encouragement from the Lord that we never need fear God's will for our lives, I confess that I didn't necessarily put it into full practice - not until a couple of weeks ago...

As you know, my entire life I have struggled with anxiety.  You can read more about my journey with anxiety in my blog post, Worry Wort.  You also know that one of the biggest triggers of my anxiety is my health, a health, by the way, that is quite healthy!  I am fickle like that!  lol.

By way of history and to add context, I have an actual diagnosis of White Coat Syndrome.

Definition:  a syndrome whereby a patient's feeling of anxiety in a medical environment results in an abnormally high reading when their blood pressure is measured.

I have had imaging studies done to ensure that my arteries and heart show no sign of sustained high blood pressure and indeed they are perfectly fine.

But because of my age, my new Primary Care doctor, which may become my "old primary care doctor" soon, lol, hinted at my last appointment that she wanted to put me on blood pressure medication "preemptively".   I find this concerning since the side-effects of blood pressure medication are dizziness or syncope when you actually have high blood pressure.  Well, imagine how that would go if you don't have high blood pressure!   Because my doctor made such a big deal about my blood pressure reading last September during my physical, the cycle of anxiety at the doctors has become even more ramped up as was evidenced by even higher blood pressure readings during several recent routine annual routine doctor's visits with specialties outside of my primary care.

My mind had already started to wander ever since last September wondering, "what if I am developing high blood pressure?"  But that didn't make sense because only a year before I was thoroughly checked out with no indications that I have high blood pressure.  I also don't have any of the risk factors such as high cholesterol or issues with weight that would predispose me to high blood pressure, at this point anyway.

And I'm so fickle that I can't even get good readings at home because my adrenaline kicks in to high gear as soon as I hear the machine, and the cuff tightening around my arm.  My heart starts pounding and well, it's a scene.  lol.  Yeah, I am special like that.  lol.

In case I haven't shared already, I have been told by doctors that I have an abnormal fright or flight response which affects my adrenaline in a grander way than a person with a normal adrenaline response.  My mother, brothers and children have the same thing.

Two weeks ago, I had one more routine annual visit with another doctor before my physical in September with my primary care.  I had contemplated trying to get normal blood pressure readings at home in the weeks prior to that particular appointment, but Something was telling me not to, but to just trust the Lord.  So I didn't take my blood pressure...

Normally, before doctor's appointments, I would pray and ask the Lord to fill me with His peace and to calm my anxiety, but I would end up remaining anxious, and my blood pressure would still be high.  I would leave doctor's appointments feeling like I failed God, not that God failed me...

My appointment was at 9:15 a.m., I spent time with the Lord in the morning and prayed for peace.  Despite this, as I was getting myself ready, I could feel my anxiety was at quite a pitch.  Just before I was about to leave for my appointment, I was scrolling through Instagram while eating breakfast when I had a Divine appointment.  There before me was a post by blogger Melanie Redd who shared a beautiful meme with the verse, Trust in the Lord with ALL YOUR HEART, do not depend on your own understanding.  Proverbs 3:5  She shared the following insights, "Do I trust in the Lord with my whole heart??  Do I truly trust Him and His plans??  Or, do I depend on my own understanding and my own reasoning??  She then shared the following prayer which I knew was the prayer of my heart at that very moment...

"Lord, it is SO easy to trust myself and my thinking.  Today, I want to trust in You totally instead - with my whole heart.  Would You strengthen me as I look to you?  Would You fill my heart with incredible peace as I purposefully put my faith in You?  Thank You for being ever faithful and true!  I love You, Lord."

As I began to back out of my driveway, on the way to the doctor, I relinquished all control to the Will of the Lord, and did so without hesitation.  I told Him that whatever the outcome of today's appointment was, I knew that in Christ Jesus, it would all work out in the end, whether high blood pressure, good report or bad report, the Lord God, my Heavenly Father, would not leave me or forsake me.  I would ALWAYS be in His protective care.

I'd like to say that, as a result, I wasn't anxious when I reached the doctor's office, but I was probably the most anxious I've ever been!  Yet I can honestly say that I felt a peace deep down inside, despite the turmoil I was feeling on the outside.

As I waited in the waiting room, I thought, "Wouldn't it be nice to have an extra friendly and reassuring medical assistant today".  And the Lord provided.  Her name was Elizabeth and she put me at ease immediately!!

Normally, when medical assistant's are about to take my blood pressure, I prepare them that my reading is going to be high, but Something was telling me not to say anything, but to trust the Lord despite how my outer man was feeling.

When she first began pumping up the "old fashioned" blood pressure cuff, I could feel my heart beating fast, but then suddenly, I felt an incredible peace come over me, even though it seemed like she was pumping higher and higher which makes me become more anxious because that usually means my blood pressure is elevated.    I told you, I'm wacky!  lol.

And then I  heard the Medical Assistant say my blood pressure reading...    IT WAS NORMAL!!   This is something that never happened before, especially in the state I was in prior.

The joy I felt was indescribable!  I praised His Name!!

The Lord showed me that even in my most anxious state, He and He alone would bring about supernatural peace.  Peace was not something I could conjure up in my own strength, or dare I say, even by a prayer,  but true peace came when I relinquished control to the One whose will is perfect.

Oh how He desires to bless us even more when we obey!!

I recently read the following quote from the book, Guarded by Christ:  Knowing the God Who Rescues and Keeps Us, by Heather Holleman.

"You will never be at peace with yourself or God
 and will never be truly free until you stop playing the role of God in your life."

Very convicting and powerful words...  which I learned first hand on that routine visit to the my doctor.

For anyone else out there who finds themselves where I have been, and can still be, struggling to relinquish control to the Lord, I hope these words from Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman encourage your heart.

"Beloved, this must ever be a typical scene in every transformed life. There comes a crisis-hour to each of us, if God has called us to the highest and best, when all resources fail; when we face either ruin or something higher than we ever dreamed; when we must have infinite help from God and yet, ere we can have it, we must let something go; we must surrender completely; we must cease from our own wisdom. strength, and righteousness, and become crucified with Christ and alive in Him. God knows how to lead us up to this crisis, and He knows how to lead us through.

Is He leading you thus? Is this the meaning of your deep trial, or your difficult surroundings, or that impossible situation or that trying place through which you cannot go without Him, and yet you have not enough of Him to give you the victory?

Oh, turn to Jacob's God! Cast yourself helplessly at His feet. Die to your strength and wisdom in His loving arms and rise, like Jacob, into His strength and all-sufficiency. There is no way out of your hard and narrow place but at the top. You must get deliverance by rising higher and coming into a new experience with God. Oh, may it bring you into all that is meant by the revelation of the Mighty One of Jacob! There is no way out but God.

At Thy feet I fall,
Yield Thee Up My ALL,
To suffer LIVE, OR DIE
For my Lord crucified."


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I am so thankful to Christian authors and Christian bloggers who share Godly wisdom born out of their own struggles and experiences, and from their own spiritual maturity.  The Lord has used you all mightily to bolster my own walk with the Lord.

And most especially, I am so thankful for the Lord Jesus in whom we have Victory in all things.

You might find me on these link-ups:
Grace & Truth Link-upWoman to Woman Ministries,  Growing in Grace Link-up, 3DLessonsLif4eInspire Me Monday Titus 2 TuesdayA Wise Women Builds Her HomeA Look at the Book,  Sunday StillnessThe Weekend BrewSpiritual Sundays, Soul Survival,  Give Me Grace, Testimony TuesdayWomen with Intention WednesdaysStill SaturdayGood Morning MondaysTell His StoryFaith & Fellowship Blog HopMotivate and Rejuvenate MondaysBe SaltyMonday's MusingsThe Art of Home-Making MondayTuesday TalkWaiting on Wednesday, Reflect His Love and Glory  Words of Comfort Link-upWholehearted WednesdaysTell it to Me TuesdayFaithful at Home Fridays, Faith 'N FriendsTGI SaturdaysSitting Among Friends Encourage Me Monday Words with Winter Essential FridaysSo Much at Home Family, Friendship & Faith House to Home  ,Wonderful Wednesday , Monday of Many BlessingsLiteracy Musings Mondays,Imparting GraceSHINE Blog Hop Dance with JesusGive Me GraceBooknificent Thursdays UNITE Cozy Reading SpotMaking Your Home Sing Monday Social Butterfly Sundays  Let Us Grow Small Wonder Link-up Winsome Wednesday Growing in Grace Thursday After My CoffeeRewind Friday Fresh Market Friday Moments of Hope Wonderful Wednesdays Christian Blogger Link-Up Tea & Word Tuesday Heart Encouragement Thursday Hearts for Home Messy Marriage Link-up Friday at the Fire Station Link-up Tune In Thursday Faith on Fire Link-upSunday Scripture Blessings Link-up, Warriors of the WordCandidly Christian Link-upSunday ThoughtsWriter WednesdayFaith Filled Friday

18 comments:

  1. Just the word "relinquish" sounds hard, doesn't it? xo

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    1. Susan, I was thinking the very same thing when I felt led to use that title! And indeed it is hard, yet once we do, our lives become so much easier as we rest in the Lord.

      Thanks for stopping by. :-)

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  2. I love this testimony, Karen! Praise God! My husband has a similar reaction (maybe the White Coat Syndrome?). He went through a short season very similar to your story and he ended up taking his pressure at the grocery stores at random but it was an ordeal to go through. He would laugh at himself, too, and is fine. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this today. God is good! Many blessings to you!

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    1. Thank you Kelly. And thank you for sharing your husband's experience.

      So happy you enjoyed your visit here.

      Indeed He is!

      Blessings,

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  3. What a beautiful testimony! I think I have had to relinquish control more than once. Maybe I'm a hard case. LOL

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    1. Hi Donna, Praising God for His testimony in my life.

      Me too! lol.

      Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  4. very increasing post. glad to read this article !!
    keep the good work up ..

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    1. Ravi, Thank you for stopping by and for your encouraging words.

      Blessings,

      Delete
  5. Beautiful! I have high blood pressure and every time I go, I get white coat syndrome from just seeing the dr. I loved this testimony. Blessed to be your neighbor at Tell His Story this week.

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    1. Hi Tara, Yup, that's me! lol.

      Praising God you enjoyed His testimony in my life.

      And it was a blessing to have you stop by. :-)

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  6. when we are at our wits' end that's when we see and know He is at work PTL for His peace and your normal reading. blessings for continual peace. ps I sleep w/ a white coat so I'm glad I don't have this syndrome- I do wash his white coats!

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    1. Hi Sue, Indeed and Amen!

      Thank you.

      Oh my! Haha! I'll have to remember this (I wash his white coats! haha) to add a little brevity to my thoughts the next time I go to the doctor. :-)

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  7. Oh Karen, how I love your open, honest, transparent posts! So refreshing! This is my prayer or relinquishing my will to God's...When I pray, I picture Jesus, my Shepherd, in the green pasture of the 23rd Psalm…I take whatever concern I have, or person for whom I am interceding by the hand…I walk out to the meadow, the green pasture, and I place my concern, or the hand of the person for whom I am interceding, in Jesus’ hand…knowing that He is sovereign, He loves me, and He loves the person for whom I am interceding more than I do…He has a plan, a hope, and a future for each of us…and I walk away, thanking God for how He is working in my life and in the lives of those for whom I am interceding...experiencing a feeling of peace…positive relinquishment…as Catherine Marshall prayed, “Lord, I trust You…You know what You’re doing…I relinquish my will to Yours.” Many blessings to you sweet friend!

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    Replies
    1. Beth,Thank you for your kind words.

      Thank you for sharing this beautiful word picture prayer. Just beautiful and so encouraging! And for sharing the prayer by Catherine Marshall.

      There is so much freedom when we relinquish our will to the Lord.

      Thanks for stopping by. :-)

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  8. "Sharing personal struggles showcases His strength when I am weak; His Mercy when I have failed yet again; and His Grace when I feel undeserving." This is the perfect reason for sharing our struggles. We are able to share how God is faithful now and always.

    Blessings to you! I'm your neighbor at #TuneInThursday

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    1. Gayl,

      Indeed!

      Thank you so much for stopping by.

      Blessings.

      Delete
  9. What a great testimony to God's power and care for us in even the little things!

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Thank you for taking the time to comment.