The Story God Wrote for Me - Anxiety Saved Me

The Story God Wrote for Me - Miss Goody Two Shoes

Growing up and on through my 20s, I was basically what most would call a "Miss Goody Two Shoes".  I was a "good" person with a guilty conscience that would stop me from doing most things that I shouldn't.   I never had a desire to smoke, drink or do drugs.  I was a good student.  I loved being a daughter, granddaughter, and eventually wife and mother.  I considered myself a loyal friend.  Integrity and honesty were important to me.  I certainly had shortcomings, but to the outside world, I was a "good person".   I don't say all of this to boast about what a wonderful person I was - quite the contrary...  I share this to show the workings of the Holy Spirit in a life that didn't have "major sins" by the worlds standards or by her own standards, but indeed by God's standards, "For whoever keeps the whole law, yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." James 2:10.

The Story God Wrote for Me - Begins with anxiety...

My journey to Salvation begins here...

When I was a little girl, I would often hear the phrase, "don't be a worry wart".  {I expanded upon this illustrious title in my post Worry Wart, which you can read HERE, where I delve into additional layers of my journey to salvation.}  You guessed it, I was a worrier, and still can be...    In an effort to help calm my tendency to worry and anxiety, my mom taught me to pray.  She encouraged me that I would find comfort in God through prayer.  When I would recite the rote prayers I was taught, I was filled with a sense of closeness to God that brought me peace.  I never prayed specific prayers for specific things.  Instead, prayer for me was a source of comfort.

In my early 20s I experienced my first full blown panic attack which seemed to come out of nowhere. I wasn't distressed about anything at the time, but there it came.  If any of you have had a panic attack, you know how scary they can be.  Unfortunately, that first panic attack began a pattern of anxiety and fear of "having a panic attack" that became debilitating at times.   

My husband and I were married when I was 23.  Right after our honeymoon we moved four hours away from our families.  My husband was accepted at a college in our new location, and I transferred with my company to a new position.   We bought our first home which was a 40 minute commute one way to my new job.  I was the main breadwinner during this new season of our lives.

In a non-anxious person, everything I was going through from newly married, to moving far from family, to purchasing a new home and starting a new job would be cause for stress and anxiety!

Those first few months were very difficult for me.  I was missing my family terribly.  I was also feeling the weight of being the main breadwinner due to home ownership and the fact that I could not let my panic attacks get in the way of commuting to work.

{I wrote about how we can gain clarity for God's purposes in the hard seasons of our lives in my post Hindsight is 20/20 which you can read HERE.}

The Story God Wrote For Me - God had laid the foundation

In my new job, I met Liz who became a close friend.  Over time, she began to share the Gospel with me.  But I was very much against the message she was sharing.  I refused to believe that I had to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior in order to go to heaven when I died.  In my mind, as long as I was a good person, I would go to heaven.

In my 20s, I had also drifted away from what faith I had growing up.  I was still "Miss Goody Two Shoes", but living for myself; not placing God in any part of my life.

When we were looking for our second home, "circumstances" prevented us from getting the house we wanted essentially "forcing" our decision to pick the house we live in now.   And it was here, that I would eventually meet two Christian neighbors, Makiko and Paula...

Makiko gave me a Bible to read and said God would speak to me, but when I read it, "He didn't speak to me...".

Paula invited me to Mothers of Preschoolers, a Christian based group for moms and their preschool age children.   I was excited at the prospect of making new friends.

However, the location of the MOPs meetings was a half hour drive from my home.  My anxiety was still a major issue - especially with driving.   But, I didn't let it stop me from attending MOPs, even though almost every time I drove to and from the MOPs meetings, I thought my anxiety would overtake me.  It was really quite frightening.  But I persevered month after month...

The Story God Wrote for Me - A Heart Change

I very much enjoyed my time at MOPs.  The moms would meet together to do a Bible Study and pray while the children did craft activities with the babysitters.  Bible studies and praying out loud was very new to me!  There was something different about my friend Paula, and these women at MOPs.  I didn't understand at the time what it was about them I was attracted to, but I knew I wanted to be like them.

Through their example, I started attending church again.  Yet in doing so, I still had the thought process that I was "doing something good".  I even got involved teaching Sunday School.   I remember coming home from church thinking, "I attended church this week", like something to tick off a do gooders checklist.

But eventually something started to change...

I found myself really soaking up the sermons during the church service.  I was thinking about God more during the week, outside of church.  I bought myself a Bible and a small devotional.  I don't remember reading the Bible at that time, but I did enjoy reading the devotional.

My friend Paula introduced me to her friend Cindy who invited me to do a Bible study with her.  I agreed to participate.  Cindy asked me if there was anything I struggled with.  I told her about my problems with fear and anxiety.  She found a Bible study that dealt with those issues.  One day, we were studying Matthew 14:30, and these words jumped off the page at me! "And He said come!  Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.  But seeing the wind he became frightened, and beginning to sink He cried out, "Lord, save me!"  Immediately, Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him..."  Oh what comfort I found in that verse - Words of Life!  Not only did it begin the process of my being freed from the bondage of fear and anxiety, but it would ultimately draw me into a relationship with Jesus my Savior.  I finally understood what my neighbor Makiko meant when she said, "God will speak to you through His Word"!

I don't know specifically what date it happened, but I know that I received the Holy Spirit when the Lord Jesus came into my heart.  How do I know this?   Because this "Miss Goody Two Shoes" didn't see herself as "Miss Goody Two Shoes" anymore, but as a sinner desperately in need of a Savior.  Suddenly, God's Word lept off the pages, and I finally understood them.  My behavior and actions changed to one of a Christ follower who desired to live for Him.

The Story God Wrote for Me - Anxiety Saved Me

As I look back at my faith journey, it is interesting to see how the Lord allowed my anxiety to be used to draw me to Himself as a little girl; allowed me to be "sifted as wheat" by Satan who attempted to use my anxiety to stop me from going to MOPs which attending proved to be the turning point in my seeking after God ["But the Lord is faithful.  He will establish you and guard you against the evil one." 2 Thessalonians 3:3]; to ultimately using His comforting Words of Life to speak to my anxiety and draw me into a saving knowledge of Christ Jesus.

My Wonderful Savior "chose me in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight" Ephesians 1:4.    My Lord had "ordained my steps" Proverbs 20:24 so that I would find Him.   My God put "a new heart and new Spirit within me.  He removed the heart of stone from my flesh and gave me a heart of flesh.  He put His Spirit within me and caused me to walk in His statutes and to be careful to obey His rules." Ezekiel 36:26-27 My Heavenly Father "loves me with an everlasting love and continues His faithfulness to me." Jeremiah 31:3

{For more encouragement on God's special care over His anxious child's heart, please head over to my post God has Compassion on Your Anxious Heart which you can read HERE.}

I can say in all honesty that I am grateful to the Lord for allowing anxiety to be a part of my story because from the very beginning even until now, He uses that tendency in me to lovingly keep me close to Him.

You might find me on these link-ups:

Grace & Truth, Woman to Woman Ministries, Inspire Me Monday, A Wise Women Builds Her Home, Spiritual Sundays, Soul Survival,  Good Morning Mondays, Tell His Story, Faith & Fellowship Blog Hop,   Tuesday Talk,    Faith 'N Friends,  Sitting Among Friends   House to Home  ,Wonderful Wednesday , Literacy Musings Mondays,Imparting Grace, Dance with Jesus,  Booknificent Thursdays ,  Fresh Market Friday Moments of Hope Wonderful Wednesdays , Tea & Word Tuesday Heart Encouragement Thursday Hearts for Home Messy Marriage Link-up Friday at the Fire Station Link-up Tune In Thursday Faith on Fire Link-up, Sunday Scripture Blessings Link-up, Sunday Thoughts, Writer Wednesday, Faith Filled Friday God Sized Dreams Link-Up Sitting Among Friends Be Thee Inspired Graceful Tuesday Link-up Aprons & Pearls Link-up Trekkingthru Link-up  Encouraging Word Wednesday  Grace Moments Link-up  Encouraging Hearts and Home Worth Beyond Rubies Seeking Sabbath Scripture and a Snapshot IHeart Verse Welcome Heart Kingdom Bloggers Outdoorsy Mommy Anchored Truth Tuesdays IHeart Verse InstaEncouragements

Recharge Wednesdays Kingdom Bloggers